mute_clay: (Default)
mute_clay ([personal profile] mute_clay) wrote2004-01-28 07:23 pm

looking for [livejournal.com profile] seanbean_tm

Clay is walking through the house looking for Sean.

He's got a sneaking suspicion that he is being avoided and he cannot figure out why. It grates on him. He considers Sean a friend, someone to trust. Someone who would at least tell him if he had done him wrong somehow.

He knows that others - David - Orlando - aren't happy about him staying at Sean's. About them sleeping together- He's gotten that much out of the glances and the half-spoken cautions. He just doesn't understands why.

He'd like to ask them but it's hard formulating the questions in his mind, let alone let them loose in the empty air between himself and others, fluttering from his hands like birds, leaving strong, sure branches behind, hoping to be caught.

Why?

He doesn't doubt that Sean has his reasons. And that they are his own. But it hurts him, that he isn't being told anything, that he has to walk around in the greater silence of an empty house, enveloping his own.

He suddenly feels very alone. He doesn't feel that he should confide in David who's got enough om his mind and seems determined to blame himself for anything that has to with Sean. And Orlando has known Sean for a while and he wouldn't want to intrude on what is between them.

He is getting edgy and restless, feeling the pull from the shadowing darkness. Like when Callie pulled his chain, teasing him with seemingly innocent remarks about others. What they said. How they smelled. That they liked her.
He needs touch to settle him. Another's warmth close, keeping the coldness of shadows away, But somehow he doesn't think he'll get that anytime soon.

[identity profile] seanbean-tm.livejournal.com 2004-01-28 10:49 am (UTC)(link)
Sean hears the floorboars creaking and frowns a little. Clay's been gone, on and off; Sean's been gone, on and off. David's living with Orlando now. The house has mostly been empty.

Sean heads out to the hallway to see Clay, and frowns a little more. Clay looks -- agitated. Something. "Clay?" Sean asks, reaching out. "What's wrong?"

[identity profile] mute-clay.livejournal.com 2004-01-28 12:04 pm (UTC)(link)
Clay turns. It's Sean.

He sees the outstretched hand and almost steps closer, close enough to touch, but stops.

He needs to stay where he can see Sean's face.

He signs that he has been looking for him, that he is confused. He doesn't know how to ask Sean if he is in fact avoiding him so he ends up with a far too general What is happening?

His skin is practically aching with his want but if Sean doesn't want that Clay doesn't want to force it on him.

Maybe his friend - the one with Clay's face - has finally seen the light?

[identity profile] seanbean-tm.livejournal.com 2004-01-28 12:09 pm (UTC)(link)
Sean catches Clay's hand. "It's been quiet, mostly," he says. "I had a talk with someone. Made me think about what I've been doing. And David's been worried about you. I..." Sean grins, can't quite help himself. "I wonder if you have any idea how goddamned beautiful you are," he murmurs.

[identity profile] mute-clay.livejournal.com 2004-01-28 01:06 pm (UTC)(link)
Clay lifts an eyebrow

Right

It's nice feeling Sean's hand but he gently pulls his hand back, making them lose touch.

He needs both his hands to sign. And distance.

He writes D A V I D and W O R R Y on his hand. What is worrying David?

He wants to ask about Sean's friend - who it is?
He wants to be thrown down on the floor. He wants that badly. So badly that he has to stay a bit away.

[identity profile] seanbean-tm.livejournal.com 2004-01-28 01:18 pm (UTC)(link)
"David's worried about you -- being here -- about what I've been doing with you." Sean's getting mixed signals; distance, and frustration, and agitation, and he doesn't know what to act on. "David was the first one I looked for that looked -- the way he does." He sighs.

Re:

[identity profile] mute-clay.livejournal.com 2004-01-29 01:07 am (UTC)(link)
Clay realises that Sean doesn't know that he knows about the man they all resemble. He starts writing on his hand V then pauses, frowns, continues E E G O ?
He wants to know if Sean has finally talked to him, if he's decided that he loves Sean. It's hard trying to behave decently but you don't ruin something that others cherish - you just don't. Not even if you can taste your own arousal.

[identity profile] seanbean-tm.livejournal.com 2004-01-29 05:00 pm (UTC)(link)
Sean blinks a few times, and then shakes his head. "No -- I haven't seen Viggo -- I've been..." He shakes his head again. "I've been working things out with Pierce. Trying to let Viggo go."



((so this is taking place before LuciferViggo shows up at Sean's place... ack, timelines! >_<))

Re:

[identity profile] mute-clay.livejournal.com 2004-01-29 11:27 pm (UTC)(link)
Now Clay is truly puzzled.

Who is Pierce?

But he understands about the letting go part, understands the need for distance.

He points to the door, and then looks at Sean questioningly:

Would you prefer if I left?

[identity profile] seanbean-tm.livejournal.com 2004-01-30 01:42 pm (UTC)(link)
"Not if you want to stay," Sean says. "Do you have anywhere else you want to be? I don't want to hold you back if you want to leave."

And of course he doesn't want Clay to go. But he's made promises again, and this time he can't break them. And David's right. Sean worries about hurting Clay.

Re:

[identity profile] mute-clay.livejournal.com 2004-02-01 12:35 am (UTC)(link)
Clay looks down. When he looks up at Sean again his smile is just perhaps a little too bright.

It's up to you

He signs that he is happy for Sean, that he deserves that things has worked out and then he steps closer - because he can do this - can do it without doing more - and places one hand against Sean's cheek and closes his eyes. Just for a second, just feeling warmth and skin. Then he smiles again, that broad, brittle smile and turns to go up the stairs to the attic. Maybe pack a few things?

He doesn't want to leave, but he doesn't dare stay and destroy anything. He wouldn't have wanted anybody to stay with Callie.

He turns and signs that they're friends, that if Sean needs to talk to him he'll be there. Always.

[identity profile] seanbean-tm.livejournal.com 2004-02-01 09:32 am (UTC)(link)
Sean's smile doesn't quite reach his eyes, either, and he nods. Friends. Better than lovers, better than being confused all the time. "Thanks," he says softly. "You ever need anything yourself, I'm here for you, too."

Re:

[identity profile] mute-clay.livejournal.com 2004-02-01 12:53 pm (UTC)(link)
Clay smiles at Sean, a smaller but warmer smile. Then he runs back to Sean and gives him a firm hug, writing T H A N K Y O U on his back with a finger. For everything really. He drops a small kiss beneath Sean's ear and goes back up the stairs.
Maybe he'll go see David.