at Orlando's house

[mute_clay]

Clay let himself in and let out a whistle. Julie knew who he was now and had decided that he was acceptable company. Clay changed the water in her bowl and measured up food for her. Then he showed her that he had remembered to bring a piece of string. He'd gotten the silent treatment the night before. No string.

Julie happily pounced the string and Clay sat down on a kitchen chair, preparing himself to play with her till she got tired of it. This would happen much more quickly with her than with Darth Maul who believed that no string should be left alive.

Comments

[orlandomuse.livejournal.com]

Orlando nods. "I only want you to be happy, Clay. You deserve it."

[mute-clay.livejournal.com]

Clay shrugs again. He's not certain of that.

How are you doing? Apart from the thing with Jimmy?

[orlandomuse.livejournal.com]

Orlando shrugs. "Well, the spa's going well. I don't really have anything else going on." He thinks for a minute. "My love life is still weird." He chuckles.

[mute-clay.livejournal.com]

Clay smiles at him. That's good. Apart from the love life bit. Unless it is good weird of course.

[orlandomuse.livejournal.com]

Orlando shrugs. "Jimmy's in love with me, and I love him, but I suspect on his part it's just that he needs me right now. He didn't act like he gave a tinker's damn about me before his accident. Johnny and I have been on a date, and we slept together for the first time the other night, but I don't know if that has a future either. The one I feel closest to right now is Will, and he's 16 years old."

He reaches down and wiggles his fingers at Julie until she pounces. "I think I need to face the fact that I'm a failure at this stuff."

[mute-clay.livejournal.com]

Clay shakes his head at him. You're not a failure Orlando. Love just isn't easy is all.

[orlandomuse.livejournal.com]

"That's the truth, isn't it?"

[mute-clay.livejournal.com]

Clay grins a little. The whole and nothing but.

He stretches a little.

[orlandomuse.livejournal.com]

"Working a lot?"

It feels so odd to be sitting here with the man he once felt such overwhelming passion for, talking about the most mundane things. There'd been a time when they'd have been making love by now.

[mute-clay.livejournal.com]

Clay nods and scratches his chin.

Yeah. And it's dull most of the time. Besides, it doesn't really sit well with me to have a boss.

He shrugs.

But I manage.

[orlandomuse.livejournal.com]

"I wish I had something for you to do here. I kinda miss having you around."

[mute-clay.livejournal.com]

Clay grins at him. And here I was enjoying to sit quietly with my feet up.

He winks to show that he is joking.

[orlandomuse.livejournal.com]

Orlando laughs. "Hey, I'm a pretty good boss! How many other bosses like sleeping with you? Wait, don't answer that." He's grinning.

[mute-clay.livejournal.com]

My current one isn't.

Clay's eyes are twinkling. He stretches again.

I miss you sometimes. Got used to company from staying here.

[orlandomuse.livejournal.com]

"You know you're welcome here, anytime. I've changed the sheets on your bed, but otherwise, it's still your room. I don't think I'm going to have anyone else move in." Orlando picks at the seam of his jeans.

[mute-clay.livejournal.com]

Clay frowns a little and gets up from his chair to go and crouch down next to Orlando.

What is it?

[orlandomuse.livejournal.com]

"Feel like I'm going in circles, Clay. I'm right back where I was again with you and Jason, only this time it's Johnny and Jimmy. Difference is, Jimmy loves me, or says he does, and I know he means it, I'm just scared it's only the brain damage talking."

He looks up with a smile, but his eyes are sad.

[mute-clay.livejournal.com]

Clay puts his arms around Orlando. It's not the same Orlando. It never will be. People are different from each other. And why shouldn't he love you?

He smooths down Orlando's curls.

[orlandomuse.livejournal.com]

"He didn't love me before. He couldn't stand for me to touch him before. Clay, he fucking vomited when I touched him!" Orlando fights back the tears. "And he jokes about things, like he's going to be just another notch on my bedpost. He apologized after, said he was kidding, but I think that's how he really feels. I think it's how he felt before."

[mute-clay.livejournal.com]

Maybe he is just afraid?

Clay strokes Orlando's hair and upper arms.

Callie was afraid when she came to us at first. Because she didn't know who she was.

[orlandomuse.livejournal.com]

Orlando shakes his head. "How does that explain changing from finding me disgusting before the accident, then loving me after?" Orlando looks at Clay and there's a hurt in his eyes. "God, I can't believe I'm talking about this with you. Of all people to say what's there not to love about me. You preferred a woman in love with someone else to me."

Orlando knows it's not fair and it's cruel, but he's hurting, and it's all coming out like a poison in his heart.

[mute-clay.livejournal.com]

Clay's jaw clenches a little.
Fine.

He gets up and takes a step back, putting some distance between them. Will you need me to look after Julie still?

She doesn't love him. She doesn't.

[orlandomuse.livejournal.com]

Orlando's anger crumbles as he sees the hurt in Clay's eyes. "I'm sorry," he whispers. "No wonder no one wants me for long. You should go, before I hurt you more."

[mute-clay.livejournal.com]

Clay sighs. Never mind. It doesn't matter.

[orlandomuse.livejournal.com]

Orlando puts his head on his folded arms, face down on the table. "Does matter," comes muffledly from him. "It matters a hell of a lot when I'm lashing out at someone who's only trying to help."