Topic: Commitment

[mute_clay]

I don’t know much about commitment really.

I mean I understand what it is and all and I think it’s a good thing. But – I don’t think I’ve ever done anything that showed commitment.

Like the thing with Callie. I’m sticking by her and have done even when things got rough, back when we lived in the forest. When Ma yelled at me and people didn’t want me to work for them no more. But that’s not commitment. I’m doing it because there is nothing else I can do. It’s not a decision I make – I’m not saying “I’m going to do this instead of something else.”

But I’m not saying that I don’t have a choice like it’s a bad thing, mind you. It isn’t. If I had a choice I’d still have done the same. Still do the same. All I am saying is that as of now I’m not really making a choice. I’m just – being who I am. That’s not commitment.

As far as friendships go, you just don’t abandon friends. Not if you’re a decent person. So staying true to your friends isn’t really about commitment either. Or, it is but not as a thing on its own. It’s just part of being a friend. At least, that’s how I see it.

Then there’s work. That you’re timely and through and all. But that’s just part of doing a good job. I want to be able to look people in the eye when they’ve paid me for doing a job. And I can if I know that I’ve done the best job possible. With the materials and the time. So that’s about being a craftsman. Not about commitment.

Maybe it’s because it’s been singled out. I don’t really think that commitment makes much sense like that. Because it’ll just be me yapping on about it. Like love or some such. I never really know what to say about things I can’t hold in my hand. I can do them but I don’t really know how to talk about them. And I don’t see why you should. They make no sense on their own. Only in connection with other stuff. People.

It’s like – I do it but I don’t know about it. I can’t walk around it and describe it and tell you all about why it matters. But if you’re my friend I’ll stand by you. And if you pay me to do a job for you it’ll get done. And well.


Muse: Clay
Fandom: Passion of Darkly Noon (Misc. Movies)
Count: 417

Comments

[oldcrazy.livejournal.com]

I think commitment is more an emotional state than a promise or an oath -- those are verbal, mental, commitment... that's something deeper, in many ways. Perhaps there aren't as many words to explain what it is, then.

[mute-clay.livejournal.com]

I never had all that many words to begin with but - maybe you're right. It's one of those gut things. Like love.

But I wouldn't want to go around making promises without intending to keep them. So - they're a way to show others that gut-feel thing, maybe?

I don't know.

[oldcrazy.livejournal.com]

*smiles* Well, frankly, that's a bit refreshing. I grew up in Court, and most of my royal cousins had too many words.

And that, I am certain, made me sound insufferably patronizing. My apologies. *grins sheepishly*

But yes. Yes, I think that's the gist of it. It's not that promises are worthless, it's that -- commitments are something I feel, rather than something I say or do. Promises and oaths -- those are ways to let that feeling manifest itself, perhaps.

[mute-clay.livejournal.com]

No need to apologize. Kin is blood. Most of the time they're also a bloody nuisance.

And people seem to need words. Most of the time.

[oldcrazy.livejournal.com]

*laughs, his eyes sparkling* That they can be. Fortunately, once they got bored with laughing at my constant failures, the more loathsome of my relations tended to leave me alone -- I'm the youngest of eight, so there was really nothing worth buttering me up to get at, as all the choice lands and riches had gone to my older siblings.

*gives a self-deprecating smile* I'm afraid I can ramble a bit, myself. As you've had the misfortune to learn.

[mute-clay.livejournal.com]

That's okay. I kinda like people who talk a lot. Like my friend David. He can go and on. But I like that. That's the good thing about being a mute. You learn to listen.