almost there

[mute_clay]

Clay goes straight to Orlando’s after having left Alexander’s place. There’s a mail for him. He is too restless to type a long answer and settles for telling Orlando that everything is fine. Almost fine. That he will be all right. And that he wants to tell him about what happens but that he doesn’t have the words.

If I find them I will tell you.

He takes the key for Walker’s bus and gets a coat before leaving a note for Jimmy telling him that everything is all right. Still a lie. But he isn’t sure what to say otherwise.

The walk to Alan’s is uneventful. He has to drop of the key for David. See him if he is home.

It is – almost – time.

Comments

[mute-clay.livejournal.com]

Clay closes his eyes.

Please David. Don't -

It's not that he doesn't understand. He does. That's the problem. he can't justify her. And he has to.

[davidshaw.livejournal.com]

"Ahhh. I see. They didn't." He picks up the Monopoly pieces. "Which one do you like? I'm always the dog."

[mute-clay.livejournal.com]

Clay looks at the pieces blindly. Then he rubs his eyes and tries to focus. It isn't really working.

He leans his head back and closes his eyes.

Just a second David.

[davidshaw.livejournal.com]

David just waits in complete silence. He frustrates everyone. He knows it. He frustrates himself. But that doesn't make him wrong. It only makes him irritating.

[mute-clay.livejournal.com]

Clay leans forward and stares at the floor for a little while. Then he looks at David.

I have some - stuff - to take care off. So I'll be gone for a couple of the days. When I get back - when I get back I'd like for you to teach me how to play this. Maybe plan that trip we talked about once. Now you have the bus you won't have to sleep outside. If you want?

Then he remembers something.

Did you get my letter?

[davidshaw.livejournal.com]

The topic is closed. Of course it is.

"Fine." He wants to shake Clay. He wants to say, how can you let them treat me like this, how can you let them do that to me. He wants to say, I never would have let anyone act like you were nothing. You were my friend. But he doesn't. He just says, "Fine."

And then. "No. No letter. Things have been... crazy. Getting back from Rome and stuff."

[mute-clay.livejournal.com]

Clay nods. He can tell David is hurt. He sighs.

Ignore the first bit if you find it.

He looks at his hands.
I know you think I've done you wrong. That I am letting you down. But Callie told me not to -

He rubs his eyes again and gets up.

I should get going. I - Callie wants me to be civil to him. I can't. She wants me to accept he is there. I won't. Can't. So I'm ignoring him.

He bites his lip.

I know it isn't much. Too little. But I can't let go of her.

A wry grin.

I almost managed to bite one of his balls off when we fought. Wish I'd succeeded.

Then he looks David in the eye.

If you don't want me coming back I understand. I hope you do. But -

[davidshaw.livejournal.com]

"You shouldn't leave her with him." He fiddles with the monopoly pieces. "He's evil... And she will use it to justify being with him. That she had to because everyone else left her alone. That is what he does. He feeds the need people think they have. He feeds them and fills them."

[mute-clay.livejournal.com]

She knows I'll come back. And she called for me. On that tape. She said his name but she called for me.

He is feeling distinctly edgy now. {- Run. Yes. NOW. -}

I know he - manipulates. He tried that. Being reasonable and calm, getting food for us and pretending to think it was okay I was there. To keep Callie happy. I told him I would never touch his food or believe his words. Because of what he did to you.

He looks at David again.

Callie may believe him. I don't.

[davidshaw.livejournal.com]

"Don't leave her. You shouldn't leave people with men like that."

[mute-clay.livejournal.com]

Clay closes his eyes briefly again.

What if - what if she liked me because I'm like him? Like that?
I can't - once when I came back from the forest there was blood on my hands.

[davidshaw.livejournal.com]

"Don't leave her."

[mute-clay.livejournal.com]

I'm NOT leaving her.

I'm coming back. She knows I am.

[davidshaw.livejournal.com]

"She's alone with him and his fucking fan club. You don't know what it's like to be alone with him."

[mute-clay.livejournal.com]

Clay's shoulders shake a little.

David. Please. I -

If he doesn't get away he won't be able to hold his promise to Callie. He looks down at his hands. They've curled up like claws. He tries to relax them.

She WANTS to. Do you think I like that thought?
That she -

A deep breath. It doesn't work.

I have to go. I -

[davidshaw.livejournal.com]

"Okay." He looks tired. "Have a good trip. And thanks for the bus."

[mute-clay.livejournal.com]

A good trip. It almost makes him laugh.

{- Yes. Run. Yes. NOW. No pain. -}

He walks toward the door, then turns back to David.

Read the letter okay? It should be in the mailbox. And David? -

He spreads his arms a little.

Can I?

David can always pretend not to understand.

[davidshaw.livejournal.com]

David picks up the Monopoly set and hands it to him. "Don't forget this, it's yours."

He stands just out of reach. "I'll see you when you get back? As soon as you get back? After you see Callie? Come and see me, okay. So I know you came back."

[mute-clay.livejournal.com]

Clay takes the game and nods. He'd sort of expected that.

He points to David.

I'll stop by here first. Callie knows I'm coming back. And you can tell me whether I'm clean and fresh smelling enough to go see her.

He feels like crying.

{- NO. Run. Yes. -}

[davidshaw.livejournal.com]

David smiles. "I'll do a thorough smell test, Stinky."

[mute-clay.livejournal.com]

Clay smiles back. It's a shaky little smile. Then he leaves. The urge to run is overwhelming. He fights it.

He has to get David's gift back to the house first. And then - then he can run.