The goodbye
May. 22nd, 2004 10:53 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mute_clay(aim transcript)
The dawn is grey. It's time. Clay leans over and kisses Callie, his skin fragrant with her scent.
Callie? Callie, wake up.
The voice is not a real voice, but a murmur in her mind.
Clay...I'm sleepy...it's too early...
She is dreaming of the forest, Clay close to her, the birds singing in the trees.
He kisses her again.
Wake up, love. I have to leave.
He wants to stay. But he can't.
Eyes open. The words are clear now and cut like a knife.
"Yes."
Swallowing hurts, too. A look at the window tells her it's early.
"Yes. Promise me."
It's imperative. It's the only thing that keeps Callie from holding him and not letting him go. From calling Alex and have him help her.
I promise.
He cups her face.
I promise you Callie. I didn't last time, but this time I do. I'll come back. I promise.
He gets out of the bed and takes his clothes. He's sticky but it doesn't matter. He pulls his pants on and looks at her.
Will you walk with me? Downstairs?
Biting her lower lip, Callie gets out of bed and takes his hand. Of course she will. In case Alex is up and around, it’s better if Callie is there too. The floor is cold under her feet. She rises on the tip of her toes to kiss him. Speaking is just too difficult. They walk downstairs slowly, quietly. In the kitchen he pulls on his shirt and looks at her. He doesn't want to go.
{- Must -}.
He takes her face again and kisses her. Deeply.
I love you so much Callie. Believe me. Please. Love you. Missed you.
How can he walk away?
She closes her eyes when he kisses her. She can pretend for a few seconds still that it is not happening.
"I love you...you know that? I do."
Such a small voice, whispering so no one else will hear, whispering because there isn't enough strength in her to be louder.
"Promise me. Promise again. Promise."
I promise. I promise Callie. Call me and I'll come.
He is so close to saying that he'll stay. He'll find a way to keep it down, will stay. She's hurting and he doesn't want her to.
"I'll call you. And if..if you don't come back, if you don't answer me, if you don't hear me, I will come looking for you."
Determination doesn't begin to describe the underlying certainty in her tone. She steps back, then. Looking behind her shoulders, to check that the other occupants of the house are still sleeping. Or at least, some place else.
"Do you need money? food? Anything?"
Practicalities will help. She can't make him stay. He has to go. He has that dark light in his eyes, the one she hasn't seen before.
Clay shakes his head.
No, I'll be fine. Callie - I -
He is just about to say he'll stay. It hurts to much. And what if she doesn't call? What if she doesn't want him to come back?
I - I'll -
But he doesn't say it. His hands touch her. Gently. So gently.
{- Loves. Yes. Beautiful. Must run. Must go. Comes back. For love. For Her. Yes. Loves. Yes. -}
Stroking her face gently.
{- Mustn't touch. No. But loves. Yes. Loves too. Must go. Must go to come back. Loves. Yes. Loves. -}
His hands are trembling now. She'll turn away. She'll tell him to go. To stay away.
Frightening, to see something so dark and cold in the eyes of one you love...Callie stays still, shaking a little.
"Come back..."
She can barely hear her own voice.
You promised. You come back. Wherever you are. You come back.
He nods. A tiny little movement. He didn't mean for her to see.
{- No. Mustn't fear. Will be good. Yes. Will run. Yes. Will die. Yes. And flesh and blood comes back Yes. To love. Yes. To home. Yes. -}
It's like there is suddenly a wall between them. He tells her he loves her. Always. No one else. And his hands keep adding words, pleas, promises.
{- Yes. Yes. Yes. -}
Callie opens the door for him, eyes wide and shiny with tears, lips quivering and hands shaking.
Kiss me. Don't forget me.
He kisses her, pressing small kisses to her face, longer ones to her mouth.
I'm sorry Callie. I love you. I am sorry. I am.
He dries her eyes, kissing them too.
Please don't cry Callie. Please. Don't - don't -
He wants to say don't love him. But that isn't for him to ask.
{- Loves. Loves Her. Please. Beautiful. Let run. Yes. Call back. Yes. Loves. Loves flesh and blood. Yes. Will go then. Yes. No love. No. Never. -}
"Go now..." whispering, saying something different with her eyes. Go, and come back. GO.
He kisses her one last time. And then he walks out of the door. He turns a couple of times, waving at her. He can't go. Not yet. He needs to tell people. And then - then it'll be time.
There's no way Callie is going to close that door. Not until she can no longer see Clay. He may want to come back right away. She can hope, although she knows better. He never really warned her he was going away when they were in the forest. He would just go. Sometimes he would leave at dawn, like today, other times she would find small gifts and she would know that her bed would be empty at night. She waits until there is no one to see anymore, and closes the door with a soft click, and goes back upstairs slowly, and slides in under the covers, hiding.
The dawn is grey. It's time. Clay leans over and kisses Callie, his skin fragrant with her scent.
Callie? Callie, wake up.
The voice is not a real voice, but a murmur in her mind.
Clay...I'm sleepy...it's too early...
She is dreaming of the forest, Clay close to her, the birds singing in the trees.
He kisses her again.
Wake up, love. I have to leave.
He wants to stay. But he can't.
Eyes open. The words are clear now and cut like a knife.
"Yes."
Swallowing hurts, too. A look at the window tells her it's early.
"Yes. Promise me."
It's imperative. It's the only thing that keeps Callie from holding him and not letting him go. From calling Alex and have him help her.
I promise.
He cups her face.
I promise you Callie. I didn't last time, but this time I do. I'll come back. I promise.
He gets out of the bed and takes his clothes. He's sticky but it doesn't matter. He pulls his pants on and looks at her.
Will you walk with me? Downstairs?
Biting her lower lip, Callie gets out of bed and takes his hand. Of course she will. In case Alex is up and around, it’s better if Callie is there too. The floor is cold under her feet. She rises on the tip of her toes to kiss him. Speaking is just too difficult. They walk downstairs slowly, quietly. In the kitchen he pulls on his shirt and looks at her. He doesn't want to go.
{- Must -}.
He takes her face again and kisses her. Deeply.
I love you so much Callie. Believe me. Please. Love you. Missed you.
How can he walk away?
She closes her eyes when he kisses her. She can pretend for a few seconds still that it is not happening.
"I love you...you know that? I do."
Such a small voice, whispering so no one else will hear, whispering because there isn't enough strength in her to be louder.
"Promise me. Promise again. Promise."
I promise. I promise Callie. Call me and I'll come.
He is so close to saying that he'll stay. He'll find a way to keep it down, will stay. She's hurting and he doesn't want her to.
"I'll call you. And if..if you don't come back, if you don't answer me, if you don't hear me, I will come looking for you."
Determination doesn't begin to describe the underlying certainty in her tone. She steps back, then. Looking behind her shoulders, to check that the other occupants of the house are still sleeping. Or at least, some place else.
"Do you need money? food? Anything?"
Practicalities will help. She can't make him stay. He has to go. He has that dark light in his eyes, the one she hasn't seen before.
Clay shakes his head.
No, I'll be fine. Callie - I -
He is just about to say he'll stay. It hurts to much. And what if she doesn't call? What if she doesn't want him to come back?
I - I'll -
But he doesn't say it. His hands touch her. Gently. So gently.
{- Loves. Yes. Beautiful. Must run. Must go. Comes back. For love. For Her. Yes. Loves. Yes. -}
Stroking her face gently.
{- Mustn't touch. No. But loves. Yes. Loves too. Must go. Must go to come back. Loves. Yes. Loves. -}
His hands are trembling now. She'll turn away. She'll tell him to go. To stay away.
Frightening, to see something so dark and cold in the eyes of one you love...Callie stays still, shaking a little.
"Come back..."
She can barely hear her own voice.
You promised. You come back. Wherever you are. You come back.
He nods. A tiny little movement. He didn't mean for her to see.
{- No. Mustn't fear. Will be good. Yes. Will run. Yes. Will die. Yes. And flesh and blood comes back Yes. To love. Yes. To home. Yes. -}
It's like there is suddenly a wall between them. He tells her he loves her. Always. No one else. And his hands keep adding words, pleas, promises.
{- Yes. Yes. Yes. -}
Callie opens the door for him, eyes wide and shiny with tears, lips quivering and hands shaking.
Kiss me. Don't forget me.
He kisses her, pressing small kisses to her face, longer ones to her mouth.
I'm sorry Callie. I love you. I am sorry. I am.
He dries her eyes, kissing them too.
Please don't cry Callie. Please. Don't - don't -
He wants to say don't love him. But that isn't for him to ask.
{- Loves. Loves Her. Please. Beautiful. Let run. Yes. Call back. Yes. Loves. Loves flesh and blood. Yes. Will go then. Yes. No love. No. Never. -}
"Go now..." whispering, saying something different with her eyes. Go, and come back. GO.
He kisses her one last time. And then he walks out of the door. He turns a couple of times, waving at her. He can't go. Not yet. He needs to tell people. And then - then it'll be time.
There's no way Callie is going to close that door. Not until she can no longer see Clay. He may want to come back right away. She can hope, although she knows better. He never really warned her he was going away when they were in the forest. He would just go. Sometimes he would leave at dawn, like today, other times she would find small gifts and she would know that her bed would be empty at night. She waits until there is no one to see anymore, and closes the door with a soft click, and goes back upstairs slowly, and slides in under the covers, hiding.