Work

I've been working a lot lately. It's okay. That way I'm sure I can sleep at night. No sense in staying awake thinking about things I cannot change.

I've been making a kennel for David and Alan's dog. David calls it Toto now. That's good. I didn't like he called it Dog. It reminded me of Ma.

Now he wants me to make a chicken coop. I'm not to tell Alan but I don't really see how Alan can avoid noticing if there's suddenly a lot of chickens in his backyard. Seeing as how they are noisy. And smell a bit.

Callie haven't been back. I miss her.

Jimmy's been in an accident so I am looking after Julie for a while. And Darth Maul has stopped trying to choke me to death when I sleep. Now she just tries to trip me up when I have to take a piss at night.

She's really clever though. And she hasn't ruined the plants Callie gave me. I water them everyday. If they stay alive she'll come back to me.

Topic: Commitment

I don’t know much about commitment really.

I mean I understand what it is and all and I think it’s a good thing. But – I don’t think I’ve ever done anything that showed commitment.

Like the thing with Callie. I’m sticking by her and have done even when things got rough, back when we lived in the forest. When Ma yelled at me and people didn’t want me to work for them no more. But that’s not commitment. I’m doing it because there is nothing else I can do. It’s not a decision I make – I’m not saying “I’m going to do this instead of something else.”

But I’m not saying that I don’t have a choice like it’s a bad thing, mind you. It isn’t. If I had a choice I’d still have done the same. Still do the same. All I am saying is that as of now I’m not really making a choice. I’m just – being who I am. That’s not commitment.

As far as friendships go, you just don’t abandon friends. Not if you’re a decent person. So staying true to your friends isn’t really about commitment either. Or, it is but not as a thing on its own. It’s just part of being a friend. At least, that’s how I see it.

Then there’s work. That you’re timely and through and all. But that’s just part of doing a good job. I want to be able to look people in the eye when they’ve paid me for doing a job. And I can if I know that I’ve done the best job possible. With the materials and the time. So that’s about being a craftsman. Not about commitment.

Maybe it’s because it’s been singled out. I don’t really think that commitment makes much sense like that. Because it’ll just be me yapping on about it. Like love or some such. I never really know what to say about things I can’t hold in my hand. I can do them but I don’t really know how to talk about them. And I don’t see why you should. They make no sense on their own. Only in connection with other stuff. People.

It’s like – I do it but I don’t know about it. I can’t walk around it and describe it and tell you all about why it matters. But if you’re my friend I’ll stand by you. And if you pay me to do a job for you it’ll get done. And well.


Muse: Clay
Fandom: Passion of Darkly Noon (Misc. Movies)
Count: 417